A victim of grace Part 2

So now we've come to the realization that we are victim's of grace. We have been blindsided by God's love for us.

So now what are we going to choose to do with that? I have two ideas.

1)We need to switch our way of thinking. We are not victims of evil, we are victims of grace. We need stop focusing on all the things we are lacking or the wrongs that have been done to us but focus on the blessings, the abundance of love, mercy, and of grace. Stand in awe of our creator and what He has done for you.

2)We need to realize that our brothers and sisters are also victims of grace and use that knowledge to fuel unity in the body. Instead of seeing something someone is doing and have a negative opinion or pass judgment on them, or act out of bitterness, jealousy, or hurt we need to remember that they too are victim's of grace.

We need to bestow grace on them just as God bestows his grace on us. We may think they are undeserving but how much more are we undeserving of the grace and love that God bestows on us?

I am a victim of grace.

A victim of grace. That's intense. All of us are victims of grace. We don't ask for, we don't see it coming, we certainly don't deserve all of God's love and kindness, but he keeps pouring it out on us.

Instead of being a victim of evil, we need to see God's hand in it all and name ourselves a victim of grace. We need recognize the blessing of the gift of grace that comes so freely to each one of us,

"Dear sons and daughters,
I have it all figured out. Keep trusting me and stay tuned for coming attractions. Don't forget: You too are a victim of my grace.
Love,God."

Psalm 138:8 "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me."

I want to hear your thoughts on this revelation. I'd love it if you wanna share an experience in your life that you knew without a doubt that you are a victim of grace.

Kathy Update

Ok, where to begin...

Woman's Retreat 4 weeks ago. I had a divine appointment with God. A time and a place where I could surrender my excuses and say YES to his calling on my life. I had every excuse you could think of and I've used them for more than 10 years. Until one workshop titled "And she shall be called QUALIFIED...", I know in my head that I am qualified because Jesus has called me but it is still sinking into my heart.

I made the decision that day that if I was going to say yes to what God's been calling me to than I want to put all of me into it and do it the best I can.

Step #1: Piano lessons (How this is part of God's plan)
I direct the choir at my church and I've had the same great accompanist for the last 2 seasons. This season, 2 weeks before choir starts up I get a call from my accompanist telling me she is too busy to help me out this time around, but she gave me a phone number of someone who might be willing to help. I call lovely Lorraine and after some chatting and giving her the music she says yes! And, she adds, "If you know anyone who would be interested in piano lessons...?" ME!!!ME!!!I'm interested, lol! So, yes. I am taking piano lessons, yay!

Step #2: Laptop?
So, I need to go to school. But I have to go online. Our only computer is being used between the hours of 5am-5pm by this guy who runs the Branning Group making money to support our family...so...I need a way to be online during the day...(prayer request)

Step #3: School?
I have been researching schools whenever I get a good amount of time on the computer, like now when I stay up a little later after everyone's gone to bed to catch up. But I have found one that sounds really perfect and can be done completely online.(more prayer request)

Is this the school God has for me? And if so, is this God's timing? And if so, will I have a laptop to do school on?

Oh and by the way, for those who don't know yet. I am going to school to be a worship leader.:)

I know you don't HAVE to go to school for this position, but like I said, if I'm gonna do it wanna put EVERYTHING into it. Whole heartily. The thing I love about the program I'm looking into is that ya they have a few music theory classes but it's mostly about deepening my relationship with Christ and prophetic worship and communion with Christ and things that are going to make sure my heart is ready.

I am sharing all this because I would love it if you all could be praying for me, this is really for me and my family.

Am I Captivating?

So I picked up the book "Captivating" which I'm sure most of you have read/heard of. I was in desperate need of a new book and I sort of felt like I was the last one to read this book and it was on sale at Borders for $4! So I started reading it last night so I haven't gotten too far but I love things that have to do with healing embracing the true feminine/masculine. So this book is right up my alley, tonight I started reading it a little bit but the heat and my restless mind prevented me from getting too far, but what I did read struck me. There is a part that talks about how we long for adventure and just being free enough to live that adventure. One thing I really resonated with is that we women tend to take things like movies, books, tv shows, games, or whatever to escape from our life into something "more". But that is not how God intended us to live he created us for the adventure, that is why we have a yearning deep down inside of us. I can't wait to get back to this book but I just wanted to share how happy I am to realize that I can/am living my adventure. Yes I am sure that God has big things in store for The Branning family and even me as an individual, as a woman but I like to look at my life thus far and see it as the adventure it has been.

I have lived, yes there have been times where I have use my escape mechanisms but for the majority of my life, it has been lived and I am so thankful for the experiences I have had to this day to make me the woman I am now and I don't want to stop, I am not content, and I hope that I never will be. We were meant to want more, more than this life has to offer. But while we are here, I want to fully enjoy the beauty and wonder that God has has created and provided for our enjoyment/use. I may live in a town currently that I have trouble finding beauty in but I know God has me here for a reason and I have been seeking since I got here to find beauty to be able to appreciate being here, and while I appreciate the things that come with living here, family, friends, In-n-out...I still get cranky when it gets to 101 degrees and I have no air conditioning, or I'd rather not go for a walk because there's nothing to look at but dirt...I am longing to find beauty to find the treasure that is here, it's like in my heart I know it's here but I can't see it with my eyes...

Ok, now I'm just thinking out loud, or out blogg?...but be sure there will be more to come.

Praises

So I just felt I needed to blog all that's been happening lately because it's been crazy, but crazy good:).

First, Alex convinced me to audition for American Idol which I have been against since they started. I remember my first college roommate was the first one to nag me about audition and I told her I would never do that. From then on the answer was the same, my reasons I thought were pretty good. #1 I'm not a pop singer, I've always leaned more towards gospel, worship and old jazzy stuff. #2 I never thought I really had the performer gene, it must have skipped a generation cause I'm pretty sure Ali's got it;). #3 I told God along time ago that I was going to only use my voice for him since it was him who gifted me with it. #4 I didn't think I could handle that kind of rejection.

But I was praying about it and couldn't stop thinking about it even though I gave Alex a firm no. I thought, who am I to tell God how he can use me, if God wants to use me in this sort of venue than I want to be open. Obviously I was right and this is not the venue he wants to use me in which I am very grateful for. I mean I think everyone at one point in their life has imagined what it would be like to see their name in lights but that lifestyle is not for me. And one of the main positives that came out of this is that I was able to give over 1 more thing to God that I was controlling (or trying to). Also, I was praying pretty much the whole audition and my prayer was Proverbs 16:3, "Commit whatever you do to the Lord and you will succeed." But I also prayed that if succeed for me meant not making American Idol then I would be ok with that. When it came my turn to sing for the producer I had more energy than I could have mustered myself and more confidence than I ever have and sang my absolute best and the best part is I had fun singing to this woman in front of all these other people and when I heard the word "no" come from her mouth I had complete peace because I knew that Jesus was right there with me guiding my step, my mouth, my words and it felt good.

The other really awesome part about this experience was realizing how much my husband loves me. He pushed me to do something that I love doing more than anything else and he sacrificed time to do it with me. He spent hours practicing with me while I exercised my mean voice teacher techniques on him and he drove down on Sunday to Pasadena with me to stand in line for 5 hours just to get a wristband and took a whole day off work today and woke up at 2:45am to go stand in line for another 2 hours and sit in some bleachers for another 2 hours in the sweltering heat because he loves me and wants me to do what I love. That is such a wonderful thing that I just want to stick in my heart and lock it up to take out whenever I'm feeling down. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who loves me so much.


Next, my friends. All of you who also supported me, no matter that I didn't make you all were so positive and uplifting and encouraging and it meant the world to me. Thank you all:).

And just to top it off our tax return arrived today just in time we were about to be overdrawn...Thank you Jesus! You are soooo good!

Judgement

Matthew 7:3, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" (NIV)

Recently, a friend hurt me and others very deeply. I spent a lot of time praying right before it happened because I had a sense that something was going to happen. I think that helped prepare me so I had the right words to respond but that isn’t always the case, we don’t always get time right before something bad happens to prepare so we need to be prepared.

Although I had spent hours in prayer I still sinned in my response. I tend to take hurts that people have caused me and exaggerate it, “they’ve hurt me so bad, I don’t know when I’ll be able to forgive them”, or “They were definitely in the wrong and I am without wrong in this situation”. Right there, that thought was sin. I am not perfect and even though whatever this person did was hurtful I still have no right to judge their life.

I do believe with all my heart that there is a place for Christian accountability. I believe it is biblical and necessary. However, making judgmental remarks, rolling our eyes, belittling someone we don't personally know or we do, making hateful comments is neither biblical or necessary. God has really opened my eyes to this. I have tried with all my might not to discuss this topic because I didn’t want to be guilty of gossip but the sin is in my heart even if I don’t speak it so I wanted to share what God is teaching me.

If the actions and attitudes of another person hurt our heart and rub our soul the wrong way – be it a neighbor or a woman on the cover of a tabloid – I pray we handle it with the grace and dignity Jesus enables us to have. "And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment" (Phil. 1:9).

And may we always remember the person in question is loved by God. He may not love their actions and He most certainly doesn't love anyone's sin, but the person, He loves.

Psalm 139:23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (NIV)

Proverbs12:18, "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." (NIV)

Dear Lord, before I start picking at the splinters that are so easy to spot in other's eyes, may I have the humility to examine the plank I don't want to see in my own eye. Search me Lord, see if there is any wicked way within me and reveal it. Give me wisdom to know what to do about my own sin, a filter of grace by which to see others' sins, and a heart restrained from rash reactions because of Your love in me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Job and job...isn't that funny?

So as a follow up to my last blog, I had a friend tell me to read Job. So this morning sitting in the parking lot of the pool, I read Job. I encourage all of you, ESPECIALLY if you are struggling in any way with tragedy, financial trouble or just about anything, read Job.

So to summarize Job, Job was a wealthy man with lots of kids, lots of land, lots of livestock, and alot of servants. Even God says about Job, he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. So basically, God and Satan were wagering a war over Job, Satan told God that if Job lost everything then surely he would curse God. So Satan destroyed all of Job's livestock, servants, and children. But Job did not react the way Satan said he would.

"At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart. [c]
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."

22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing." Job 1:20-22

He lost everything yet did he complain? NO, he praised God

Why then are we so quickly to be discouraged and lose sight of our love for God and our faith that he will provide our daily bread.

Ok, that's all I have time for today, Ali just woke up. But please read job and then lets discuss I love this topic.

If I was a rich girl...

"Two things I ask of you, O Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise I may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the Lord?' Or I may become so poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God." -Proverbs 30:7-9

I have a little trouble with this verse, especially when thinking of friends and family who seem to have been financially struggling for a while. "only my daily bread"? What about a house to live in, and money to pay the bills. Now obviously I don't know their hearts, I don't know or understand God's plan but I want so badly to see the people I love taken care of.

And what about "become so poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of God." What about when people become so poor they lose faith that he will provide because they've been in their current situation for so long, isn't that dishonoring God? Is it just God teaching them trust? Is he teaching them perseverance, patience? And how do you constantly encourage someone in this position? They don't want to hear the same thing over and over.

Take my mom for example, from the moment we left my dad(I was 3), we have struggled. I watched as my mom walked to work at burger king and then to radio shack to provide for us kids. I witnessed the church both ridicule and love on us for being in our situation. But I also witnessed my mom cling to Jesus the entire time. When I was a teenager and wanted money for new clothes or to go to the movies with friends or to even go to Carl's Jr after youth group I resented her for not having the money to give to me. I started to even blame her prayer life, she was always praying that Jesus would make her more like him. As I read my bible, I thought wait! Jesus didn't even have a house, he had no income, he had to totally rely on God providing.

This was just the start of my lesson. I moved to Chicago with $300 in my bank account and no job waiting for me but a school bill ready to start up. Once I found a church, my friends would show up on my doorstep either to take me grocery shopping or bring me some groceries when I thought things were looking desolate. I ended up having a roommate with a good full time job who was kind when my waitressing was slow and I didn't have enough for rent. Every time I sat down with my bills and how much money I had coming I never had enough. One day, a friend of mine bluntly asked me, "Are you tithing?". I thought, God understands that I don't have enough to tithe, WRONG!

By the time I got married and moved back to Cali I thought, ok I have this trust thing down, I have been poor my entire life and God has proven to me time and time again that he will provide. But even now when we have a big tax bill or something it's easy to slip back in and be discouraged. I'm the kind of person who wants everyone to be happy and taken care of, but that is also why I'm not God. If hadn't of gone through all that I would not be the person I am today.

I would love to hear any thoughts you guys have on this verse.:)

Proverbs 31 devotional...Amazing!

http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/
Failing Forward
13 May 2009
Renee Swope

"The steps of a [woman] are established by the Lord, and He delights in [her] way. When [she] falls, [she] will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds [her] hand." Psalm 37:23-24 (NASB)

I admire, maybe even envy, people who aren't afraid to fail. You know, those people who see personal setbacks as another goal to conquer. People who don't even consider defeat when they blow it.

I wish I were that kind of person. But honestly, I am not always so courageous in the face of failure.

Failure is painful. It's embarrassing. And sometimes it makes me want to give up, mainly on myself.

God is teaching me a lot about failing. In fact, He is giving me a little push these days, to fail forward.

This week He's be en challenging me to determine in my heart and mind that I am a work in progress and move forward even when I have a setback. He is reminding me that I am a woman who is becoming all He created her to be.

A woman who is growing.

A woman who is getting better and better each day.

A woman who is not perfect - but who tries to surrender to God's perfect love and perfect power at work in her.

Failing forward...after I shoot harsh words across the room to "shoosh" my child when he announces that the yogurt in our near empty refrigerator has expired and there is nothing to eat! That is, after I'd just opened the large container of perfectly good yogurt, eaten some myself and served it to his brother for a snack.

Failing forward...after I criticize my husband and realize I failed to honor my man, again. Instead I've added to an already stressful day for the husband and father who just brought home groceries.

Faili ng forward...after I let myself be "too busy" to take the time to encourage, sit with, talk to, and listen to my always-giving-and-forgiving-mom who stopped by unexpectedly this afternoon.

Failing forward...after I tell God that a certain ministry assignment is too stinkin' hard so I can't do it because surely I don't have what it takes.

Every time I fail to be the woman God calls me to be, or the woman I expect myself to be, God reminds me of the progress we've made. Because, even though I may not be who I want to be, I am not who I used to be!

And I get that much closer to who I am meant to be every time I fail forward.

Dear Lord, I am so thankful that with Your help, I can fail forward!! I don't have to see my setbacks as a step back. In fact they can lead me forward if I let them. Today, I will take Your hand and trust Your heart as You pull me back up again and use my failures to help me become the woman You created m e to be. In Jesus' Name, amen.

feelings...nothing more than, feelings?

So last week was crazy, PMS mixed with being under attack. Our finances are under a lot of stress right now, I'm trying to lose weight and balance my social and my family life.

I have a rule, I don't make important decisions when I'm pmsing cause I feel like my emotions have full run and may not make the most logical choice. I know that God is faithful to provide for us ALL of our needs and we just have to keep trusting him. It is so easy to trust him when times are good but as soon as we see signs of hard times we panic. I want to praise him through this, I want to look at the positive. We have so much to be thankful for.

Thank you Jesus for being so gracious and loving. Thank you for all you have provided for us. You are such a glorious and magnificent God.

life as a young mother

I used to set my alarm clock to get up and get ready for work, now I rush to turn off the alarm clock so it doesn't wake the baby.

I have been a mom for about 14 months now and I feel I am still in transition. I love my daughter and I love spending my days teaching her, playing with her, and loving her. Yet I still find myself missing the ability to up and go to movie with some friends without calling 5 different people to find a last minute babysitter. Or to go out of town or on a road trip on a whim with the only things to worry about were getting your boss to let you have the time off.

Most people work 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, sometimes more if they have to. I work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, with the occasional break from a babysitter. Yet we still live in a society were women have embraced the work force so tightly that I am looked at by most as someone who just stays home and does nothing. It gets to me. A child (any age) is a lot of work, and if you don't take them to daycare or have a nanny then it is a full time job.

At my old job, there was a woman who worked there, she was head of her department and she had a 3 kids. After she came back from maternity leave with her last kid someone asked her why she just didn't stay home with her kids instead of working so hard to pay for their childcare. She replied to them, "Because dropping them off with someone else and coming here is easier than taking care of them myself all day."

This isn't a blog about why it's better to stay at home with your kids then to be a working mom, I understand some mom's HAVE to, they have no other choice. My mom was among those who were forced to work 3 jobs to support her 2 kids. I have been blessed by the ability to stay home and raise my daughter myself, yet I still find myself missing the independence of earning my own living, contributing to the household financially. But honestly even if I worked I would just be making enough to send Ali to daycare. I know that God has blessed us with a child and he has made me a mom for a reason and I just pray I always remember how important that job really is.

To all those mom's out there, Happy Mother's Day! I hope you realize how very special and important you are. You will impact the lives you have created and those around you more than you will ever know.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I think this is so fun, I just have to write my own.

I did not forget baby wipes on my trip to Super Target and did not think it was a good idea to just go wet some toilet paper. And I did not carry my half naked poopy toddler over to the bathroom stall to grab the aforesaid toilet paper and did not use it to clean up her bottom. I did not drive to Disney Land with my toddler with just a few diapers and stop at Babies R Us in Valencia to find out I did not leave my debit card at home. I also did not try to use my expired credit card for the aforesaid purchase...

And let me just tell you, I did not leave my toddler in her high chair in front of Sesame Street so I could steal a few minutes with Daddy.

some pictures:)

Ali being silly in the tub

our roommate Jen and I with our new hair do's. Look! I'm a blond again!

Ali's first birthday pic, isn't she cute?

New Start?

Well, now that my baby is 1!!! I might have a little more time to blog...lol...I really miss the old days of getting out my thoughts to start topic conversations, updating everyone on my life, and posting prayer request.

Well first, Ali turned 1 on March 3rd. She loved all the attention and the presents. Unfortunately, we could not find our camera so we have to wait to post pics until we get them back from our fam. But I will post them;). She had a little lady bug smash cake that I made with strawberry cake and iced to look like a ladybug, she didn't like the fact that she had to get messy to eat it though...she is so prissy;).

I started directing the church choir before Christmas and it has been a wild ride. It is absolutley a dream come true for me but it has been an area where I've been under extreme attack. I know I am not qualified but God has opened this door to me and I just want to have him use me and I believe he will give me what I need to direct this choir. Btw, we are singing on Palm Sunday if you'd like to come it's a Christian Life Assembely at 11:00am. Otherwise I would love it everyone could be praying for us:).

Alex has been doing his own business since Ali joined us and God is blessing his business, and us like crazy! He is so faithful and hard working no wonder he is thriving while working from home. And of course I love having him around all the time, it's great for him to be able to see his daughter whenever he wants and it helps me to have someone to help when I need it.

We have a roommate now, She is our youth pastor's fiance. Her name is Jen and she is a sweetheart. It nice having another girl in the house to share accessories, makeup, and support;). It is so different having a roommate when your married then when your single, but just as God has used my past roommates to grow me and stretch me, I think he is using her too.

I am trying to find my nitch. I have spent the first year in Cali adjusting to being a wife(and being back in Cali) and then my second year adjusting to being a mom. I want to find my place, I know there is so much more for me, but I have a problem with taking too much on at once so I want to be careful and make sure God and my family come first.

I will post pictures soon;)