Random Facts about Kathy
1. I have always been the girl who's just like a little sister.
2. It bugged the hell out of me until recently.
3. I do not like the idea of being "today's woman". I don't watch sex and the city and I don't watch desperate housewives.
4. I love being around people who are encouraging and that believe in me because I have a hard time believing in myself.
5. I love old musicals, especially "Hello Dolly" and anything with Judy Garland.
6. I pay way too much for my car.
7. I love my car. It is an absolute blessing.
8. I sing everywhere I go.
9. I like spooky things like "Unsolved Mysteries" but I cannot sit through a scary movie for the life of me.
10. I used to get angry before I would cry, now it's the other way around.
11. Jesus said, "what you do unto the least of these, you do unto me."
12. I am dating a celebrity.
13. I love my husband...Whoever he is.
14. I'm excited to share that moment with him when I realize that it's him.
15. I never doubted.
16. I don't respond well to compliments because I feel like their is always something attached.
17. I think marriage is an awesome thing and I would love to get married someday
18. I believe it is a choice to love someone for the rest of your life and that it may be a choice you have to make every single day.
19. Is there anyone who hasn't "almost" committed suicide?
20. I gained weight because of a lazy boyfriend.
21. Then when we broke up, I got a whole lot more attention from guys then when I was skinny. Must of been the confidence.
22. When we were growing up, me and my brother hated each other, he resented me because he thought I was the favorite, I resented him because I was ignored for his "problem".
23. Now I love him so much nothing else matters.
24. I have yet to grieve all of the lost relationships in my lifetime.
25. I used to be addicted to cigarettes because I thought they calmed me down.
26. Jesus drank wine.
27. I respect people who don't drink for personal reasons but it makes me feel guilty when I want to drink.
28. I hate gambling with a passion and would never do it.
29. I have a thing for tall guys.
30. I am an "arm" girl.
31. I enjoy swimming but don't do it as much as I would like to because I don't believe in indoor pools but I live in Chicago.
32. I only date Christians (one in particular)
33. I view money as evil and wish that we could go back to bartering if that was the way that society ran I would be rich.
34. I love simplicity.
35. Except when it comes to cute clothes and shoes.
36. People laugh at me when I tell them I used to be shy and that I am shy at first.
37. I am the life of the party if I'm comfortable
38. Compassion is one of the most important things to me. It is very difficult for me when there is someone that I cannot have compassion for. I get royally ticked when people don't have compassion for others just because they have no idea what it's like.
39. I'm addicted to blogging
40. When I talk on the phone to people I'm not close with I sound like I'm professional.
41. I am stumped when people ask me my favorite color.
42. I love music from the 40's.
43. I hate punk music, especially emo.
44. I'm not physically attracted to someone until I am attracted to who they are.
45. I get scared of sharing my life with someone for the rest of my life. I'm get scared of the thought of not sharing my life with someone for the rest of my life.
46. I can't stand mushrooms.
47.I've given up drinking soda at least 4 times in the past two years.
48. I was born 7 days after my mom's b-day.
49. If I could bring my dad to Christ I would die happy.
50. I would die if that's what it took for him to be saved
51. I would die to have a relationship with him.
52. I don't like talking about politics.
53. I don't believe in war. Jesus never found it necessary.
54. I would rather be with a man that respected me than a man that "wanted" me.
55. You can tease me as long as it doesn't hurt.
56. I believe very strongly in communication. Just look at my phone bill.
57. I cry at commercials, that's another reason I don't watch TV.
58. I don't like movies that are sad or too violent.
59. I will not wear a two piece swimsuit or a belly button piercing.
60. Sometimes I like how I look and sometimes I don't, but most of the time I do.
61. Good Genes
62. Girls that let men devalue them make me sad.
63. Girls that think that's ok make me mad.
64. I used to be one of those girls.
65. I used to be sporty when I lived in So Cal.
66. I don't really like watching sports on TV but I like going to games at stadiums and stuff.
67. I really enjoyed watching the Cubs beat the Dodgers and I don't know why.
68. I'm tired of people telling me to go on American Idol.
69. I wish I could see my dad more.
70. I am scared of bugs.
71. NEVER pretend your hand is a bug crawling on my neck, I will sock you in the face.
72. I get frustrated when people hide behind their false persona's.
73. I always wanted to be a theater major.
74. But I valued my faith and morals too much.
75. I live everyday by faith and gratitude but I wish that I were more deserving.

Kathy Update

I had my world shaken up a little last night. I got a phone call after I had gone to bed from my Father. He sounded scared and panicky like someone who just needs a friend to listen. This was a first for me, I listened to my father's situation and the drama from his life and tried to be as comforting as possible. But I was in shock mostly due to the fact of my overwhelming compassion for this man. All of the things he never gave me, all of the times he was never there for me and here I am crying for him. The thing that struck the worst in my heart was that it seemed like he really had nobody else. He has no friends, he lost his wife, and by his own damn fault doesn't talk to my brother as much as he should.

So, I might be called to take the 10 hour drive down to Alabama and try to help my father who is unable to get around himself and needs to find an apartment. I want to do what God would have me do, not out of pity, not out of feeling obligated, but out of love, undeserved love, but nonetheless love.

I find it so utterly confusing that someone who has affected my life in such a negative way and that done an awful job in loving me has my unconditional love yet I find it so hard to learn how to love others who have not hurt me. I know that God is the source of my love and my roommate said something last night that felt very redeeming, she said that I am unable to love on my own and that God will continue to enable me to love and that I'm really not crazy. God gives me enough love to give to those that he would have me love. I guess right now my dad needs a lot of love.

Please pray for me and my family this week and if I am to go to Alabama that I would be able to trust God with my own life.

Thanks friends.

28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

So now what do I do?

I need something that I don't have the option to become a work-a-holic in. I need something that is going to let me do the things in life that bring me joy. I need something that is going to let me do other things in general. I can't believe I would have to work so much just to survive. Is it really a question of if I could get something else or is it more of a question of do I trust that God will provide even if I'm not working my behind off.

The fact of the matter is that I'm not happy doing what I'm doing, besides the fact that I keep having to push myself until I get sick and then have to bring my world to a complete stop in order to get back to square 1. I'm tired and I'm ready for this to change. I was reading about Peter last night and the act of him dropping his net out of faith because Jesus said he should. Am I lacking the faith to drop my net, is this my net? It sure does seem like I have a lot more to lose than Peter did. He may of been tired and frustrated just like I am but what did he have to lose by letting down his net one more time?

If this is my net, and I am supposed to just leave this job and devote myself to ministry, how do I pay my car payments? How do I pay rent? How do I pay all of my bills? Am I to completely trust that somehow, miraculously, Jesus is going to take care of all of these expenses for me?

Well, I guess this is something for me to be praying about. If you think of it, please say a prayer for me as well. Thanks.

Note: When there is a lack of comments on my blog it discourages me to blog any further post, I love it when I am out somewhere and someone tells me they have read my blog but if you read please leave a comment just letting me know you are here, sometimes I think I'm the only one reading my blogs so I am surprised when folks do tell me they've read it but they have no response, maybe a suggestion, maybe just a hi, I don't want to beg for comments but I will say that a lack of comments makes me a have a case of bloggers block so there will be a shortage of blogging on my end.

Today

Do you ever think, "today is a throw away day"? What constitutes as a "throw away day"? If one bad thing happens? If you don't feel good, or happy? Does it mean that the day was wasted and meaningless or does it just mean that you wish it had gone better? What happens if you impact someone's life on one of your "throw away days" and you find out later? Would you still consider it a "throw away day"?

There is a song called "I'm gonna live for today". One of the lines in the song is "I'm gonna set my mind on the here and the now". I want to live like that, I want to make every moment a "keeper". There shouldn't ever have to be a "throw away day", sure there are things that are going to happen in our days that we would like not to happen or things that we would like to happen but we can't let that make any moment feel like it was wasted. Every second, every minute, every day we are learning. Every move we make, every choice we make, we learn.

Another line says "making every moment count and counting every single blessing". I'd like to make the point that every moment is a blessing, even if it doen't feel like it, we have been put here for a reason and we can seek to make it a "keeper" day. I know that when I'm in a bad mood or don't feel well that is the last thing I want to hear but I think it is good (especially for me) to remember that it doesn't have to be a"throw away day". Don't settle for a "throw away day".

(even if there is a blizzard outside and it's the day before St.Patty's day)

You want the inside scoop?

For those of you who would like to know all about me and Alex and veiw the pics from our adventures together here it is http://alexandkathy.blogspot.com. I will try to update it frequently.

What a web we've weaved...

I examine my life on a daily basis, every day I am enlightened by something different. Today, actually it's been building all week, I have come to see that I am surrounded by opportunities, not for financial gain, but for spiritual gain. I'm 70% focused during the week on how I can achieve my financial goals and balancing this and that, and I am 30% focused on what is actually going on in my life. I'm unbalanced.

I have a countless amount of people who I can invest in and use the gifts that God HAS given me to bless those people and in return receive HIS blessings. I'm too quick too assume it is my responsibility to get myself in a place where HE can better use me. Who am I to assume I know how HE wants to use me. I am disappointed in myself yet hopeful to start stepping out more into the roles that HE has set before me. It's so hard to let go of control. I should know that HE is my provider and every ounce of gain I've ever had was provided by HIM.

My heart longs to be doing what I was made for but it seems like I'm the one standing in the way of getting there. I have been filled with so much love yet I alone am incapable of sharing that with anyone let alone those dearest to my heart. I am so blessed. I am rich in spirit and in love and those things really are the most valuable. God will provide a window, a door, a path, a way. I just have to lay down my control and hand over the steering wheel.

I have a lot of love right now...

Change...

I was told today by my boss that I "changed my hairstyle alot". I responded by saying, "I like change". It made me think, why is it that I change things so often, am I afraid of becoming bored or getting comfortable. It's funny how something as simple as a comment about my hair could make me evaluate why I do something.

I do like change, I like moving(houses), I like meeting new people, I like growing, I like moving forward. I've made alot of changes recently in my life and I'm still anticipating more to come. I've realized I don't fear change but rather I welcome it. I am never content with where I'm at, there always seems to be something else I can work on and some other area I can be growing in. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not a perfectionist, very far from it actually.

I have seen how far I have come and I have faith in how far I can go. Most of all, I love seeing God move, and sometimes I associate God moving with everything else moving too. Which limits God, as in saying " God can't move if I'm standing still". On the contrary, sometimes that is the very thing that God asks of us so that he can move in a powerful way, "just be", is a powerful phrase.

I know around Christmas I wrote about how hard it is to "just be". I'm starting to appreciate that state more and more as I come to a whirlwind in my life, all I want to do is "just be" in his prescence and recieve. This year God has stretched my understanding of how I can recieve. I recieve by just being in his prescence, recieving prayer, recieving love from others, giving love to others, praying for others, being part of community, etc....

I am ready for the next change to happen, whether it be with my hair, my job, my wardrobe, my living situation, my location, my ministry, my spiritual walk, I'm ready...

The Face of Jesus...

...Would I recognize him if I saw him? Would I smile or look away? I thought about it this morning, How important is it for me to be close to someone and know what they look like, I'm such a visual person. When I really care about someone I burn their image into their mind, I know their expressions, I know what they look like when their happy, sad, excited, surprised, angry, and frustrated.

Then I started thinking, well, what if I were blind, wouldn't I still be able to know my close friends without being able to see them? I would hear them, feel their prescence maybe. Then I had to think, do I know Jesus intimatley enough that I would know him simply by his presence. I know that I can recognize his presence in prayer and in worship and when I'm having alone time with him but if he were walking down the street in physical form would I know him merely because I felt his presence and if I could audibly hear him speak would I say, "I know that voice, that's the voice of my Father." Would I cower in fear and feel completley unworthy of him or run to him and fall at his feet?

I long to know my Jesus more intimatley, I long to have his image burned into my heart and my mind. He knows each strand of hair on my head, how well do I know him?