This weekend was amazing! I'm so excited about this new adventure I'm embarking on. I asked God for change and he was like here it is!

My relationship with Alex has been such a stretching experience. His loving me challenges the way I view myself and the way I am in relationships with others.

It scares me to death sometimes thinking, If I let someone love me and I let them down that would be worse than not being loved at all.

This is not true at all. It is much better to cast my cares upon the Lord, for he will sustain me. Man was not created to be alone but to embrace community with others. I am trying to do just that. I seem to be under a lot of attack as I'm trying to get closer to people and further my relationship with Alex. Feelings of unworthiness, fear of abandonment, things like that. The fact of the matter is that God has not created me to live in fear or to be weighed down with worry and doubt. I think I'm starting to feel like Doubting Thomas (time appropriate?) Except I want to make sure that love and community is real, that I can feel the affects and know that it's really there. I am praying for the faith to just believe in the power of love and community and acknowledge that it is for me and that I can receive it, there's no action that I need to do or people that I need to impress before I can receive but I need to be open to receiving it and live in fear of what might happen or not happen tomorrow.

That's all of my ranting for now.