Merry Christmas and a Happy New...

Well, what can I say, we are trying to buy a house in the middle of the craziest holiday of the year...there is stress...and uncertainty...and wanting this baby to be here already. I just cannot imagine this baby getting any bigger inside me without me toppling over...I feel like we are just in this whirlwind of waiting...when we get the house we can do this...when the baby is here we can do that...it seems like we are just waiting, and there is not much to do in the waiting room, yet we are always busy, running to sign papers, driving to pick up appliances that aren't there or that end up getting stolen...baking like a mad women...being sick and still trying to get on with things. Being this amazing wife who can carry all this weight and still be the encourager for not only her husband but for her friends and family around her...what about me? Where's my encourager? This Christmas was really hard for me. I feel like we really didn't get it, you know. We spent time with family, ate a lot of food, and gave people gifts....thats it...we reduced it to just that...it's so empty. I feel alone, and helpless, I confess, I am not superwoman. I cannot carry this baby that weighs a ton and go about every day life as if everything is normal, and make everyone around me as happy as I can make them, and make all the pieces in our life come together. I cannot do it.

God has undoubtedly blessed us immensely. All of these doors flung wide open for us and it has been an amazing, scary, and wonderful ride. If tomorrow, the door slams in our face, I will understand, I will not be happy about it, but I will understand. How have we acted in the face of abundant blessing, the first sign of something scary we doubt, we say nope, it'll never happen, we lean on our own understanding. We get frustrated at those around us for circumstances that no one has control over. We do everything but the very thing we should be doing, falling on our faces worshiping God for how amazing he is and how grateful we are for EVERYTHING.

What I have also learned is I am a complainer...Pregnancy is painful, uncomfortable and limits everything! Yet it is wonderful and an absolute miracle and teaches you love and patience and kindness you've never experienced before in your life. Expect it, and deal with it. Some people will pamper you others will expect you to go about your everyday life as though nothing has changed, don't expect any different. Some things you have to do on your own, even if everyone is telling you, "you shouldn't have to do that on your own." Well, guess what? Yes I do. Do you see anyone else lending a hand? Oh dear, here I've gone again, on a rant of complaining. This is not to say I have not had help, I have many people who have reached out and blessed me in more ways than they will know, but just like everything else, the one negative sticks out far more than all the little positives...it makes my insides cringe, they are screaming "Wait! But we are an optimist, we don't think like this!". Another thing I've learned this year, Optimistic people can very easily get trapped into the Pessimistic way of thinking. The good news is, your nature is to find the good in things. Thats what I am doing now, I am frantically trying to find the good in all this...

6 month picture

it's been awhile...

So I thought I'd give a random blog. We are in escrow and escrow closes on Dec. 27th so after that we will have the keys to our new house. After that we are gonna be cleaning that thing out like crazy getting it ready to move in, we will probably move in the week after my baby shower, so probably the 19th...I'm already getting all sorts of ideas to decorate. We are getting a fridge for free and an oven for $45 bucks, which is uber exciting. We just need to find someone with a truck to go pick them up in LA...My birthday present finally came, a recliner!!!!YAY! I'm so excited to have somewhere comfortable to sit and I know it's gonna come in handy when Ali gets here. It's going to be so excited to start working on making that house our HOME. I can't wait, this is such an exciting opportunity. It will take me a while to get it fully decorating to my standards due to a lack of money flow but in about 5 years I should think it will look pretty great.

I can't believe Christmas is almost here, yesterday was the first day I was actually really cold and regretted wearing flip flops, although I can't really reach my feet to put my other shoes on so...I might look for some cheap slip ons today, if it gets any colder I might lose a toe...;P I think thats about it...not a whole lot else going on in our lives;).

If I could have my perfect baby shower...

I would have it held at Lancaster First Assembly of God(for free). With round tables covered in white table cloths and hot pink fabric on top. A single hot pink carnation in a bud vase as the centerpiece. The food table would consist of a three layer rice crispy cake, strawberry/kiwi skewers, a plate of cheese and crackers, and a veggie tray. There would also be some sort of pink punch;). For favors I would have flower seed packets and little tulle pouches filled with bubble gum and watermelon flavored jelly belly's. And the paper plates/napkins/etc. would be hot pink and lime green.

Now, that is what I want...we'll see what actually happens...

the constant blogger...

Yes, another update! Thank you to all who were praying for my health, unfortunately it was the stomach flu as I gave it to my husband and my poor mother. But fortunately I feel much better and am back to eating solid foods, I'm sure little Ali is happy about that;). Alex is also starting to feel better as well, his luckily was not as long lived as mine.

I just got an email this morning, someone is giving us a washer and dryer! How blessed we are! I am so excited! Now all we need is a fridge and we'll be ready to move in;). We absolutely can't wait to move in. It is a small sacrifice having to move during Christmas but we'll be spending it with our folks anyway so I don't think we'll mind all the boxes so much. I think this is about it for an update. I can't wait to get back to normal life then I'll blog about something other than the house;). Or at least I'll try;).