Emotions

I need to have a rant about emotions. I'm tired of being at the brunt of people's negetive emotions. This has happen to me more times than I'd like to count this month. It fights with what I'm trying to believe in my own life, that emotions are good. I am a very emotional person, this fact I've had learn to accept because that is how God made me and he will use that side of me. These are some boundaries I've made for myself, as I am very aware of my emotions and when they are unstable and etc...

Rule #1, I never make a decision when my emotions are out of control. I may want to quit my job, break up with my boyfriend, or beat up someone of authority, but none of those things would bring me any good.

Rule #2, Never take out my emotions on someone who they are not meant for and if I slip and do, apoligize right away.

Rule #3, Pray and ask what God wants me to do with these emotions and how he would like me to react in circumstances.

I know that if I were to let my emotions dictate the way I lived my life, I would probably be locked away forever, unsafe to be around society.

Why am I posting this you ask? Well, I'll tell you.

I am a creative person, I utilize the right side of brain a bit more than the left side. Because of that, I've learned that when something is hard for me to handle or I'm having a dry period in my life, or discontent or any of those things, the most relaxing and theraputic thing for me is to find a creative outlet. As silly as it sounds, speaking my mind through a colorful blog seems like the perfect creative outlet for as of now.

I am three days away of making a huge change in my life, taking an incredible leap of faith and need help. I am not good at asking for help from friends. I'm not good at calling people up and saying, "I just need someone to talk to". I desire community yet fear it. I am indepent by nature yet I am called to be completley dependant upon God.

By the power of God, fear was broken in my life last week, it was so huge, yet I had few to tell of this great joy too. Most probably aren't even aware that up till now, my life has been run by fear. As I'm trying to uncover the great mysteries of investing in close female friends who are not muniplative or controlling. It is yet another area of life where I must just jump. All relationships are a risk. It took everything in me to trust God and letting my boyfriend pursue me, it was a risk, still is. Now, I must pursue friendships with women (plural). Women that I let into my secret places and that I in turn get to know. Women that I could share with and rejoice in their victories, etc... It's just taking that intial step, one foot in front of the other.

Any comments would be most appreciated.