Update

Sorry to my viewers for being absentee. I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

In other news: Alex and I started couple counseling (haven't started pre-marital yet), it has been uber intense. Unleashing a lot of bottled up emotion I didn't even know was there, which I guess is the point of going to counseling. Anyway, I'm working two jobs which are taking up a lot of my time, trying to spend time with my fiancee, my roommate, and my close friends, all the while trying to keep my sanity and life in balance.

My roommate and I are excited that we found a new apartment. It's located in Rogers Park very near quite a few friends, which will be great to promote more building of community. It's also walking distance to Alex's house;).

I enjoyed a fabulous girls night out on Saturday with my some of my bridesmaids. It was much needed and I swear chocolate fondue is therapeutic. I had a lovely visit with a dear friend who came to visit from Georgia on Sunday and got back to the grind on Monday. I'm trying my hardest to find balance and have some time management success. It's very hard when your trying to afford living out here.

Wedding planning is fun, I think Alex and I have found a good balance of this week we'll research flowers and next week we'll take the week off from talking about wedding planning. I finally got him to tell me where we are going for our honeymoon and I'm overjoyed. I'm not big on surprises and if anyone knows me they know how picky I am about what clothes I bring where. We aren't going to disclose to anyone else where we are going we want to make it fun and maybe have a little competition on our website. We're still working out all the details. Speaking of which, if you haven't had a chance to visit our website it's www.AlexandKathy.com. It's a place for people to view what's going on with our wedding plans, the where, the when, the why. You can see pictures and our online journal, our registries are listed and it also let's you RSVP on our site. All I have to say, marrying a web site designer for the win!

So many people have advised us to make sure we have fun. This is actually a harder task than it seems. We plan on going to Navy Pier this weekend but when your finances are tight (and your fiancee doesn't have a job) it's hard to get motivated to have fun.

We plan on flying out to California in September to visit our families and have some fun so that'll be good. I'm so excited about planning parties and just having excuses to get people together. It's great. I miss being with big groups of people who know how to have a good time. I'm tired of playing this all work no play role. I'm ready for some fun loving Kathy time!

Prepare yourselves!

Seamstress?

Does anyone know of any skilled seamstress who would be willing to make a dress on a humble budget?

:)

Being like minded

Imitating Christ's Humility

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like mided, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who being in the very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." - Philippians 2:1-11

So to me this verse is very hard. I struggle very heavily with people pleasing. It has reached a significant all time high as of recent. On one hand you can say, people pleasing is making sure everyone else is happy so it's a very selfless act, right? Wrong. It has very selfish motives. In my needs to be more in community, which I still am really not very sure how to do, I've somehow switched on my people pleasing button without being aware. Motives behind, If I can please everyone then I will win them then I will be in community, in the midst making my spiritual life and my real relationships suffer as well as losing my true self.

The hardest part, career wise, I am now doing what I love. My finances are doing better and I'm seeing fruit in my trusting in that area. So why does having gratitude to God make me feel farther from him. Do I need to constantly be struggling to be close to him? I don't want to not need him anymore because he's answered my hearts cry. Not saying that I don't need him anymore but it does seem like all the areas that I needed his help in most where it felt like he was not even hearing my cries he's come through in full and blessed me way beyond what I asked for. Am I just used to always needing in that certain way and now that I need him in a different way, I don't know how to ask.

I need to be selfless in my community, not really sure what that looks like. The only things I can think of are trying to people please and then when it doesn't work out I get mad and then since I'm mad that I'm people pleasing I start rebelling. It's a vicious cycle.

So my questions is, Are we being like-minded as a community with Christ, and if some of us are struggling how is a loving, selfless way to help one another out?

I'm engaged!

So, it's official! I'm engaged! Alex proposed tonight on our five monthiversary!

He took me to the outback for dinner and then we went to the botanical gardens where in a secluded garden of our own he sang to me and then got down on one knee.

He said, "I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to go to sleep looking at you, wake up next to you, and live my life with you. Will you marry me?"

I of course said yes!;)

Boundaries

This is a most uncomfortable thing for me to do. Because this is an area of concern I need to be completely transparent.

In most dating relationships there is a natural progression of physical intimacy. If no barriers are put into place, this progression generally leads to sexual intercourse. Most experts agree that once couples move beyond hugging and light kissing, hormones encourage further physical contact.

So here is the natural progression:

1. No Physical Involvement
2. Holding Hands
3. Kissing
4. French Kissing
5. Light Petting 'hands on top of clothes'
6. Moderate Petting 'hands under clothes'
7. Heavy Petting 'clothing removed'
8. Intercourse

So here are some crucial attitudes and actions I'll need to take;

• Responsibility

It is important to remember that it is my responsibility to stay pure, not the responsibility of someone else.

• Accountability

Eccl 4:9; Heb 3:13. Here are some great questions to answer and be asked;

-When was your last date (time alone)?

-Did anything happen that was inappropriate(Answer with details)?

-Did anything happen that was risky or stupid(Alone at night, etc.)?

-What guidelines are you seeking to hold?

-Have you violated those guidelines?

-Is there anything you need to do right now to safeguard your purity in your relationship?

-Why do you want to protect your purity?

• Convictions

As much as wanting a pure relationship is a desirable end, it's not really enough. If the actions of the person are not backed by solid Biblical convictions, they are not as strong as you might think.

• Bottom Line:

The clear warning of Scripture is to avoid any physical involvement with the opposite sex that excites desires which cannot be legitimately fulfilled. So how far is too far?

An argument can be made that holding hands and a light hug or kiss for most (but not for all individuals) is not 'crossing the line'.

So, here is our bottom line, no petting of any standard. If we cross that bottom line, there will be a consequence. I will blog it and go to my overseers and accountability team.

• Other boundaries;

-Alone together in our apartments past 1am or overnight

-Traveling together where there's an overnight stay. One room in a hotel maybe cheaper, but not at the expense of our purity.

-Alone in our rooms together -keep door open

If we come up with anymore, I will post them. But for now. Here it is. Me being transparent.

Goals!

Short term goals for the remainder of 2006:

• Get back into the word
• learn how to listen to God better
• Have as much fun as possible
• Take advantage of everything the city has to offer without breaking the bank or any laws;)
• Dive into community and hanging out with everyone!
• sell my car
• get a new job

Long Term Goals:

• Get back into shape *eh*
• get further into leadership
• Possibly attend VLI
• Possibly start a women's group of some caliber

I'm Back!

So, even though I've physically been back for a little over a week now, I'm now spiritually and emotionally back now too.


I was starting to get a little worried there for a second. Did my trip change me, is the Kathy I've spent so much sweat and tears in finding go away? I had a hard week last week. I felt dissapointed, dissorientated, hurt, and confused.


To sum up what brought my heart back...


"Be real to me."


"Breathe on me now as I bow down, I'm desperate Lord for more of you"


"Come satisfy until I am even more in need of you"


"God's timing"


"Why did you not fullfill your promises?"


"Go get prayer for your allergies"


"Break the spirit of poverty"


"me: we want to come visit you for fathers day. him: no. I don't have time for you."


"Your personality is a blessing to others"


"Leaders Dessert?"


"spirit of adoption"


"prayer is no longer a dirty word"


"I'll go to babys 'r' us with you"


"Baker Square anyone?"


So that in a nutshell is how I found myself again. I still need to work on more fear and trust issues but you know how that goes. Thanks to everyone who stuck by my side when I acted like a meany.