Praises

So I just felt I needed to blog all that's been happening lately because it's been crazy, but crazy good:).

First, Alex convinced me to audition for American Idol which I have been against since they started. I remember my first college roommate was the first one to nag me about audition and I told her I would never do that. From then on the answer was the same, my reasons I thought were pretty good. #1 I'm not a pop singer, I've always leaned more towards gospel, worship and old jazzy stuff. #2 I never thought I really had the performer gene, it must have skipped a generation cause I'm pretty sure Ali's got it;). #3 I told God along time ago that I was going to only use my voice for him since it was him who gifted me with it. #4 I didn't think I could handle that kind of rejection.

But I was praying about it and couldn't stop thinking about it even though I gave Alex a firm no. I thought, who am I to tell God how he can use me, if God wants to use me in this sort of venue than I want to be open. Obviously I was right and this is not the venue he wants to use me in which I am very grateful for. I mean I think everyone at one point in their life has imagined what it would be like to see their name in lights but that lifestyle is not for me. And one of the main positives that came out of this is that I was able to give over 1 more thing to God that I was controlling (or trying to). Also, I was praying pretty much the whole audition and my prayer was Proverbs 16:3, "Commit whatever you do to the Lord and you will succeed." But I also prayed that if succeed for me meant not making American Idol then I would be ok with that. When it came my turn to sing for the producer I had more energy than I could have mustered myself and more confidence than I ever have and sang my absolute best and the best part is I had fun singing to this woman in front of all these other people and when I heard the word "no" come from her mouth I had complete peace because I knew that Jesus was right there with me guiding my step, my mouth, my words and it felt good.

The other really awesome part about this experience was realizing how much my husband loves me. He pushed me to do something that I love doing more than anything else and he sacrificed time to do it with me. He spent hours practicing with me while I exercised my mean voice teacher techniques on him and he drove down on Sunday to Pasadena with me to stand in line for 5 hours just to get a wristband and took a whole day off work today and woke up at 2:45am to go stand in line for another 2 hours and sit in some bleachers for another 2 hours in the sweltering heat because he loves me and wants me to do what I love. That is such a wonderful thing that I just want to stick in my heart and lock it up to take out whenever I'm feeling down. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who loves me so much.


Next, my friends. All of you who also supported me, no matter that I didn't make you all were so positive and uplifting and encouraging and it meant the world to me. Thank you all:).

And just to top it off our tax return arrived today just in time we were about to be overdrawn...Thank you Jesus! You are soooo good!

Judgement

Matthew 7:3, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" (NIV)

Recently, a friend hurt me and others very deeply. I spent a lot of time praying right before it happened because I had a sense that something was going to happen. I think that helped prepare me so I had the right words to respond but that isn’t always the case, we don’t always get time right before something bad happens to prepare so we need to be prepared.

Although I had spent hours in prayer I still sinned in my response. I tend to take hurts that people have caused me and exaggerate it, “they’ve hurt me so bad, I don’t know when I’ll be able to forgive them”, or “They were definitely in the wrong and I am without wrong in this situation”. Right there, that thought was sin. I am not perfect and even though whatever this person did was hurtful I still have no right to judge their life.

I do believe with all my heart that there is a place for Christian accountability. I believe it is biblical and necessary. However, making judgmental remarks, rolling our eyes, belittling someone we don't personally know or we do, making hateful comments is neither biblical or necessary. God has really opened my eyes to this. I have tried with all my might not to discuss this topic because I didn’t want to be guilty of gossip but the sin is in my heart even if I don’t speak it so I wanted to share what God is teaching me.

If the actions and attitudes of another person hurt our heart and rub our soul the wrong way – be it a neighbor or a woman on the cover of a tabloid – I pray we handle it with the grace and dignity Jesus enables us to have. "And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment" (Phil. 1:9).

And may we always remember the person in question is loved by God. He may not love their actions and He most certainly doesn't love anyone's sin, but the person, He loves.

Psalm 139:23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (NIV)

Proverbs12:18, "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." (NIV)

Dear Lord, before I start picking at the splinters that are so easy to spot in other's eyes, may I have the humility to examine the plank I don't want to see in my own eye. Search me Lord, see if there is any wicked way within me and reveal it. Give me wisdom to know what to do about my own sin, a filter of grace by which to see others' sins, and a heart restrained from rash reactions because of Your love in me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.