The Face of Jesus...

...Would I recognize him if I saw him? Would I smile or look away? I thought about it this morning, How important is it for me to be close to someone and know what they look like, I'm such a visual person. When I really care about someone I burn their image into their mind, I know their expressions, I know what they look like when their happy, sad, excited, surprised, angry, and frustrated.

Then I started thinking, well, what if I were blind, wouldn't I still be able to know my close friends without being able to see them? I would hear them, feel their prescence maybe. Then I had to think, do I know Jesus intimatley enough that I would know him simply by his presence. I know that I can recognize his presence in prayer and in worship and when I'm having alone time with him but if he were walking down the street in physical form would I know him merely because I felt his presence and if I could audibly hear him speak would I say, "I know that voice, that's the voice of my Father." Would I cower in fear and feel completley unworthy of him or run to him and fall at his feet?

I long to know my Jesus more intimatley, I long to have his image burned into my heart and my mind. He knows each strand of hair on my head, how well do I know him?

Prayer

Disclaimer: I'm using my devotional for inspiration, just wanted to put that out there...Whew, now my conscience is clear.

C.S. Lewis once said that "Prayer doesn't change God, it changes me."

I was having a panic moment yesterday about my career, my future ambitions, and just what the heck was I supposed to do. I know a lot of post college students deal with these type of emotions but I chose to step away from my profession of choice. I was praying about why I wasted my time in school, why I'm doing what I'm doing now, am I where I need to be, am I missing opportunities? So my solution? Pray, pray hard, pray without ceasing.

I had lunch with a close friend yesterday and I told her about all of these struggles concerning my career and my future. She challenged me to dream a little. I had all these ideals of what could happen in the future after this or that happened and she challenged me to think about now. So as I was driving back to work I spent some more time in prayer and I had an Aha! Moment. I realized what I wanted to do, what God had gifted me to do, and the opportunity that was staring me in the face. God is good. So by praying about it, I didn't change God's mind about what should be happening for me or manipulate him into giving me something else, but he changed my heart to see that the gifts he had given me were good, acceptable, important, and valuable now.

I have considered a field, and I have made a purchase. I can't wait to start planting my vineyard.

So...

Previously I had thought, I only want to use this blog for profound thoughts or encouraging words and things of that sort, but I'm realizing how much I'm not sharing that I would like to share, soley to get it out.

So, this is me, I'm an assistant in a staffing company up for a promotion to a recruiter. It makes me nervous because I'm aware of all of my inadequacies. But at the same time I love a challenge and change is my middle name (it's actually Virginia...same difference). I am part of a ministry called Living Waters, God has used this ministry in my life for the past two years to restore me, bring me freedom, and hope. I am dating a wonderful man named Alex, it's long distance but it seems to work pretty well for both of us. He is amazing and treats me with respect and honor. I care for him alot.

My family is still 2000 miles away and it's hard being away from them. I thrive off of building and maintaning deep relationships so it's hard when distance comes in the way of that with people that I care so deeply about. Especially my brother. I love my brother very much and I wish there were a way for us to have a closer relationship. God has blessed me with tons of spiritual brothers who have completley blessed me and my femeninity, but nonetheless, my brother has been there from day one, as impossible as it seems I still remember the pink elephant he gave me when I was born. In a sense you can say the pink elephant is still in the room with us, if you catch my drift. I feel I am always seeking his approval and his affirmation. I think seperating us was a good way for God to help me see that it was God's approval I should be seeking not my brother's or my father's approval.

I feel a change in the air, it's a mixture of uncertainty, hope, faith, and excitement. I am ready for change. As scary as it may be, I welcome it. I am thankful for all of the change that this new year has brought thusfar. Alex, my new position, growth in area's that are difficult, and who know's what's to come, but I am excited and ready.

'If you lead me Lord, I will follow, If you heal me Lord, I will go.'

Grace...*sigh*

I think God has been trying to teach me a lesson on grace this week. I'm also thinking that my attitude has not been the best towards this little lesson. I'd rather just be a loving and compassionate person and be able to have grace in all circumstances, I also wish that I was a natural redhead, so for now it seems that I'll have to get through this rough patch and I'm sure one day I'll look back on this situation and say, "If I had never gone through that I wouldn't be *****." We'll fill in that blank when the day comes, but for now I must have patience and endurance.

p.s. I've been having bloggers block, sorry.

Happy Valentine's Day!

1 Corinthians 13
Love

1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

God's power in our poverty...

7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
1Cor. 4:7-12

Ahhhh...Memories

I like to have pleasant memories, I like to reminisce and think about how nice this was, or what a happy moment that was, but more than that, I like creating memories.

...Short and sweet...